After reading the materials for module one in our course in regards
to the Five Core Aspects of Self-Awareness (Whetten & Cameron, 2011) I
feel like I’m in the dressing room trying on bathing suits with the grand
illusion that I look great, when a tactless friend blurts out that the bikini
brings out the cellulite in my thighs. I
honestly held myself in higher esteem and felt like I was seeing myself for the
first time. Some things were not surprising
and it fact it has been a constant battle of self-rectification but other
things did catch me off guard.
The first aspect that was discussed is Emotional
Intelligence. There are areas of my behavior
that exhibit high-levels of emotional intelligence while other traits exhibit
lower forms of emotional intelligence. It
is no secret that I am a very sensitive person.
One example of my high level of emotional intelligence is the empathy I
feel for all living creatures be it an ant or person. I am also a very compassionate person,
feeling deep compassion for all living things, which has been my Achilles
heel. I won’t willingly even kill an ant
in my house because the consequences of the ensuing guilt are more than I can
handle. Apart from the guilt-ridden reality that I live in, I also suffer from
a debilitating case of low confidence and self-esteem issues. Mayer,
Caruso and Saloney define emotional intelligences as “the ability to adequately
diagnose and react to emotions” (as cited by Whetten & Cameron, 2011). My weakness lies in the difficulty I have in
processing my own emotions and inability to control them. My responses are heavily influenced by what I’m
feeling at the moment and I have a difficult time rationalizing through what I’m
feeling before I react.
My values remain
unchanged and I generally stand firm in what I believe. One of the advantages I have is being from a military
background. My family is accustomed to
moving often and I have lived all over the world. This has instilled rich cultural values in me
as I have been exposed to many types of cultures. I can easily accept cultural differences and
empathize with the distinct values of people from other cultures. Before beginning
this course I was not aware as to how my upbringing and experiences have shaped
how I interact with others. A good
example is the Indian-owned IT firm I used to work for. I was able to experience the clash between eastern
and western thinking. During our
meetings our American counterparts tended to be more outspoken and opinionated
while our Indian friends were more reserved in expressing opinions and ideas,
sometimes waiting until after the meetings to express their concerns. In time, both groups learned to respect and
understand our differences. Our Indian
friends taught us to be more reflective and controlled when speaking out and we
in turn taught them to be more open and communicative.
Through this course I learned that I value
collectivism, a strong belief in teamwork and collaboration. I am of a more affective and achievement
orientation with an external locus of control. I also believe that I am in control of my
achievements (Whetten & Cameron,
2011).
Another issue I’ve come to realize about my self-awareness is in
relation to my cognitive-style. I tend
to jump to conclusions quickly. I am spontaneous and illogical sometimes in my
decision-making, preferring to make quick decisions based on limited
information. Part of it is to escape my
natural tendency of indecision, preferring to make quick decisions instead of
getting caught in a game of eternal wishy-washy-ness. I learned that I am weak in the knowing style
and need to learn to focus, evaluate and analyze information better before
drawing conclusions. I feel that this is
an area that I can improve in since I am already strong in the planning and creating
styles.
I also was never self-aware of my reaction to change until I learned
the terminology “tolerance of ambiguity” as it is defined in the book (Whetten & Cameron, 2011) or at
least didn’t realized how my reaction affects the way I deal with my
experiences. And although I realize that
I am open to new experiences and changing dynamics, I do have a difficult time
confronting unsuspecting problems. In
the face of ambiguous issues, I sometimes freeze up, sometimes trying to rely
on others to help me solve the problems. This again circles back to my lack of
confidence in making correct decision.
Lastly, upon studying the core self-evaluation, I feel this is the
weakest of my characteristics as the root of its strength lies on strong
self-esteem and self-worth and a belief of one’s capabilities. Although at heart, I do believe in myself, in
practice I tend to exercise emotional sabotage on myself. I feel this could be one of the most prominent
areas of self-improvement.
References
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